Second Chances
by Ghost135
Summary: Pick Shinji from the end of evangelion, drop him to the beginning with all his memories.
1. Zero Storytelling

Untitled 

Standard disclaimer goes here. 

I do not claim any rights over any material here. Even those of my Creation. 

As I shamelessly make modifications on another's story, anyone may take and mutilate my ideas to their needs. 

I do not make any profit off this. I do not care. 

On for the prologue. 

And need I say? Spoliers ahead. And flames are unwelcome, yet acceptable. I am not the judge. 

She watched, as the humanity gave their essences one by one, their bodies becoming the water of life to fill the world, their souls fleeing to join the luminous being. She watched, as the human soul within the being, the consciousness... of one Rei ayanami... declined to assimilate the last soul out of her love for him, giving him the choice between happiness... and pain. 

She watched as the boy, despite being one of those who felt most of the pain.. decided against the happiness. 

She watched as the luminous being broke apart slowly, using the energy of its collective souls to bring back one, to be the new progenitor of the human race with him. 

She watched as the boy tried to strangle her, only to broke into uncontrolled sobs when she -with all her tenderness- caressed his cheek. 

As the sea made of the water of life lapped at the shore, and the remains of the nine dead avatars twitched on the crucifixes off-shore, she hesitated for just a moment... 

And went down to the earth, compelled by the love the luminous being had felt for the boy. Even under pain of death, even while trying to revive the other girl, she had had enough power to compel her to that one task.. not that she didn't intend to without her compelling. 

She let his love for all things alive wrap around him, and she willed the light of her soul to give her the shape of a human, she descended from the heavens, and smiled at the third child. 

"How disgusting." 

"No emotion is disgusting." A voice called, a melodious, sweet voice. 

They turned to face her with perfect unison -unison which would have distressed the redhead if she had noticed- and stared at her. 

Looking at her crimson eyes, short, white hair and pleasant smile, shinji stuttered uncertainly: "K- Kaoru?" 

"I wish... but no. Maybe.. a sister to him, I could be." 

"another angel?" 

She shrugged, her smile not leaving her face. 

"the only one not compelled to destroy you. I am the angel representing... regret. So I have come, to give you a second chance." 

"Second chance?" 

"I am empowered to... send one of you back, to just before the first attack... with all memories intact. To change what you think was wrong. Say which one of you will go, if one of you indeed wants to." 

Before even he can attempt to think about it, the third child's thoughts are cut off by a forceful, yet pleasant, kiss... from his usual and foremost tormentor. 

"don't even think of screwing this up, Ikari... I don't want to be alone with you in the whole world." With that, she turned to the angel, nodding... causing the third child to vanish with a surprised yelp. 

"farewell, Asuka." 

"Where?.." 

"If, when he is finished, he feels regret still, I will cease to exist. If he does not... you will not even remember meeting me." 

And with that, she vanished, leaving the second child alone in the world, the waves caressing her feet as she drew her knees to her chest, and placed her chin between her knees, watching the far away evangelions lying crucified off shore. 

She was exhausted, yet it mattered not. She had lied to them, yet it mattered not. 

Humanity was to be tested by all of the angels, the rule stated. They had not been tested by the nineteenth. 

The rule did not state that they would not face the remaining angels if they failed. She did not like using loopholes, but it was worth it. She was nineteenth. Humanity had failed against the eighteenth -humanity itself- she had given them a fresh start, so they might actually live through to the nineteenth. 

The last angel smiled, being the angel of regret, that was unusual. A thought passed through her mind before she herself went back to see the boy's progress. 

*for you wished them to live, Tabris.* 

AN: Somehow, I managed to post the rough copies after finishing the revised ones for the first two chapters. I apologize. The ones I posted were full of plot and grammar mistakes, not to mention missing passages. 

Yet, it was not entirely fruitless. I have learned that Italics do not work¶graphs; get mixed up in FF.net. 

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	2. One Settling

Untitled 

I have placed the disclaimer at the prologue. From now on, I will not waste any more space on it. 

He looked at the photo of Misato Katsuragi dizzily for a moment before finally understanding the angel had indeed sent him back. As the familiar situation triggered a flood of memories, he stepped out of the booth, and winced as a strong gust of wind blew the photo off his hands. He heard shooting, and looked up, fully knowing what he would see. Yet, even that knowledge did not help him as he gasped in awe at the form that had plagued his dreams for a long, long time, phantom pain shooting up his eye. 

He watched, transfixed, as the UN forces futilely attacked the beast, its AT field shimmering as it waded through them. He was soon shaken off his reverie by a screech of brakes, and turned, smiling, to face Misato. 

"sorry to keep you waiting!" 

He found himself unable to answer, another flood of memories crashing into him. After seeing her lie in a pool of her own blood, kissing him as she died, this sounds like music to his ears... and as he was led.. dragged... into the car by her, he could only give a dazed smile. 

And since the seventee... no, fifth pilot, he was smiling for the first time... recognizing that this was indeed the start. Nothing has happened. He could save Asuka, he could save Rei... If he played his cards right, he could save everybody. 

He came back to his senses as Misato Katsuragi pushed him down just before the non-nuclear mine went off. 

Then, as the entire city rocked around him, out of pure joy, he let out a laugh, the laughter of one who was glad to be alive. 

"But I am sure this is the right way..." 

"Misato-san..." 

"Just Misato." 

"Misato... why don't we go that way? We didn't use that before." 

"As you wish..." 

And within a few seconds, she was being led by him, his 'Instincts' leading them through the NERV maze. She was amazed of the way he seemed to know the facility better than her. 

The boat pulled over near unit one, with Gendo Ikari watching from above. 

"It has been a long time." 

"Yes, father." 

"move out." 

"I am to be your pilot, then?" 

"that is ridiculous! Even Rei got to synchronize after seven months!" the tactical officer burst in, outraged. 

"He will have to do." Her friend interjected, reminding her of the other pilot's condition. 

"Yes." the father-son exchange continued, unaffected by the two women. 

"What if I refuse?" 

"there are no options." 

"Very well. I will pilot her." 

The crew watched, as the Ikari family meeting ended. 

"Like father, like son." Murmured Ritsuko, for no one else than Misato recognized the lone tear that slid down the younger Ikari's cheek. 

Then, there was a tremor as the angel slammed its power-lance down over the geo-front, causing a single support beam, directly above the third child, to break free and tumble down, earning cries and screams from observers. 

The boy walked away casually as the arm of unit one ripped off from its restraints to catch the offending beam, mumbling. 

"father to your hands I commend my spirit..." 

"A-10 nerve connection established." 

"Japanese set as the base language." 

"Synchronization at... oh, no." Maya gasped, astonished. 

"Can he activate it?" Ritsuko replied, concerned. 

"As far as I can see, he can juggle knives with it. Synch rate stable at eighty-six percent!" Hyuga cheerfully replied. 

"Recheck that!" 

"Confirmed." 

"He is doing better than rei?" 

"Hey, don't I need to go up?" 

"Release unit one." 

"eva launch!" echoed Misato's voice from the spearkers, and he felt the pressure from the catapult. 

And he saw the angel. Looking from the eva's eyes, it was greatly different than looking at it from the street, It looked less menacing that way... almost... equal. 

As the angel turned to dispose of him, his first encounter with Toji suzuhara flashed through his mind. 

*Sorry, his sister got injured in the last battle, that's his excuse.* 

"I'm taking it off the city!" he shouted over the comm, and ignoring the shouted orders, he extended his AT field, negating the angel's. He dropped to all fours, suddenly charging the angel, planting his shoulder under its, and breaking off into a run for the closest exit. 

He suddenly stopped, having cleared the last of the buildings, and let go of the angel. The monstrosity... the black one... flew a considerable distance before crashing, and he drew his progressive knife from its shoulder casing, taking a step towards the angel. And as the sharp pain in his chest told him, he forgot that the angel had a beam weapon. After a short flight, he fell on top of the outermost building, instantly dusting it. 

Before he could get on his feet, the angel was upon him, its arms swinging towards his head from both sides. Instinctively he caught the arms at the wrists, and a struggle of strenght ensued, the angel slowly overpowering unit one. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the rubble around and on his kneeling form. 

*Sorry, his sister got injured in the last battle, that's his excuse.* 

"It's not my fault!" he screamed as unit one's eyes began to glow bright red, and unit one began to push the arms outward, while pulling itself to a kneeling position. 

"I didn't do it!" he continued screaming as unit one heaved, earning a loud crunch from the armpits of the angel. The glow just continued to intensify. 

"you did it!" he screamed, letting go of the arms, and tearing into the angel with bare hands, clawing, punching, and kicking the angel. It was not until he had crushed the angel into a bloody pulp that he spoke again, this time a whisper. 

"you did it." With that, he looked at the bruised mass beneath his feet, disgust evident in his features. After looking at his bloody hands for a moment, he plunged his right hand through the angel's core, carefully picked up the knife he dropped, and made his way back to the HQ. 

"you did it." 

"what the hell did just happen?" asked Misato, looking at the shapeless mass of the angel. 

Despite the fury he showed he was capable of, Misato put on a smile as the plug opened, and extended a hand to help him out. He didn't take it, in fact, he didn't budge. He sat there, gripping the controls, staring ahead. 

"Shinji?" 

"Mis.. misato." He looked at her with surprise, then took the hand, hauling himself out. 

"I... I..." 

"calm down... You destroyed it, its over." 

"No... no, its just beginning." 

"you will be fine. Now take a shower so we can go home." She smiled, trying to cheer him up. 

"Home?" 

"You'll be staying with me." 

"Home..." he said the last with a dazed look, before wandering off for the locker room. 

Misato pulled out the relocation orders of the kid from her pocket, imagining the small, dark thing they assigned to him as a house, and deciding that she had done the right thing, tore the paper apart. 

She opened the door for him, motioning him to enter. He stepped in, looking around, remembering the first time he was here, and also the last. He sighed at not seeing his door sign took one more step inside, and fell flat on his face. 

"Ah. Shinji, meet penpen. Penpen, this is Shinji, our new roommate." 

Penpen was not amused. He had tripped on him, and now was going to share his apartment. Turning away with a derisive *wark*, the warm water penguin turned to leave for his fridge. 

"pet?" 

"roommate. He is far too intelligent to be a pet." 

"great." 

"Come on, let's eat something!" 

"great." 

And he remembered he had to take up cooking as soon as posible... or die. 

He got into his school uniform, picked up his bag and left, mentally apologizing to Misato for skipping breakfast, and school. He headed off, school could wait... he had been there. He made his way calmly to the nerv, going to the infirmary. 

After all, she had saved... spared him. He would pay back this time around. 

She looked at the boy before her, a rather familiar one. He reminded her of commander. 

She watched as the boy slowly dissolved, obviosly in pain, as he mouthed 'to protect' over and over. 

She did not know why, but the death of the boy brought an unfamiliar feeling to her, threatening to overwhelm her. 

For some reason, she decided she did not want that boy to die, surprising herself. 

But who was he? 

He leaned forward and held her hand with both hands as she tossed and turned, apparently having a nightmare. He was amused, for as soon as he held her hand, she calmed down, her nightmare fled her, leaving her to a restful sleep. Looking at the time, he stood up to leave, brushed her cheek tenderly, and left. 

"pleasant dreams, Rei." 

She opened her eyes from her first dream... nightmare... just in time to see a figure clad in a black and white school uniform leave. Her good hand immediately went to her cheek, where she felt an unfamiliar tingle. 

Dismising it as irrevelant a moment later, she smiled as commander walked into the room. 

"Commander." 

"How are you feeling today, Rei?" 

"I am well. The painkillers are effective." She wondered why she didn't tell commander of her nightmare... yet, she somehow felt this would be inappropriate. 

"Did the third child visit you?" 

"I am unaware. I was sleeping for most of the time, yet he wasn't here when I were awake." 

Suddenly she recognized the face in her nightmare. The third child. And she recognized the commander had left. 

He was not done yet. He smiled softly as he walked. As he reached his destination, he opened the ever-unlocked door, stepped in, and begun cleaning up. 

He left a few hours later, recognizing he would need one more trip to make the room spotless. He had much to do before the next angel attack... 

He needed to settle. 

The next morning, he was standing before her mother's grave... having just left Rei's side, it felt... strange. But he had to make sure, standing there a few moments. He was sure. There was nothing of her here. 

Her soul, in Rei. 

Her mind, in unit one. 

Her body... in base components. 

The grave was just a fetter. Understanding his father a little more, he left. 

The apartment was spotless at last. The trash had been decimated, floor and walls spotless, laundry done, letters neatly arranged in a pile, bed done. He knew this would shock her, change her. 

That was what he wanted. To get her to change outside his father's influence. To become her own person. She would need that to.. live. 

He looked at the unit one. He had taken a full week, skipping school, leaving home early and coming back late, not anyone knowing where he was but the two agents tailing him. He had travelled, and reminisced. He felt tired... yet he had accomplished. He had... settled. This was his home once again. Soon, he would go to school, to meet all of them once again, and this time he would protect them all. 

"I am ready, mother. To protect." 

If he had seen the same nightmare as a particular half angel, he would never dare use such words. 

AN: for her, whom I failed to protect. 

My view on young Ikari is that going through the whole third impact and rejecting it requires great mental strenght, also having a totally new chance at things bolsters confidence. And Him being this different will effect other characters greatly, for he is our main character. Summary: I will send almost everyone reasonably OOC, beware. 

Also note that the beginning will have much in common with the script, and as such I will not repeat it. Fill in the places I skip from the script to your judgment. 

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	3. Two Waking

"Greetings."  
  
"Greetings, Ikari-san."  
  
"please. We will be classmates. Call me Shinji, Horaki-san." She laughed at that.  
  
"Call me Hikari, Shinji. We will be classmates after all."  
  
"Okay, Hikari... which will be my seat?"  
  
"Pick one... with everybody moving out after that battle, we have plenty of seats."  
  
"thank you."  
  
"Your laptop will be there, and the school regulations are recorded in it. Please take time to read carefully before the lessons start."  
  
"I will, Hikari-san. Will you introduce me to the class sometime?"  
  
"Allright." She smiled, turned to the class, and spoke. Though she did without shouting, she somehow managed to attract the attention of the entire class. Save Rei.  
  
"Attention! Thanks. Class, I introduce you Ikari Shinji, a new transfer student."  
  
"Thanks, Hikari-san... though I meant a longer and more personal introduction."  
  
"Oh, sorry."  
  
"not important... I will handle the rest. Thanks for your attention, class representative."  
  
"My pleasure, Ik...Shinji."  
  
She was indeed a pleasant young woman, so much as to make himself pity that he didn't pay attention last time. He would need to get her together with Toji... before he himself began to have some ideas about her. He looked over and sat on his previous seat, flipping open his laptop.  
  
The teacher chose to come in at that moment. After the daily ritual, he noticed messages waiting for him, a couple of greetings, a few questions and...  
  
*One from Rei?* he thought in silent shock.  
  
Meet me after school. it simply read.  
  
Why bother for a message? They both had tests after school, anyway.  
  
* * *  
  
Lunchtime came rather quickly, the feeling of nostalgia draining the boredom out of teacher's lectures and lessons. Recognizing he had forgotten to prepare himself lunch, he got up to go to the cafeteria.  
  
"Hey, transf- I mean, Shinji!" called out Toji, obviously prodded into 'keeping him company' by Hikari. He went over to them, smiling.  
  
"Toji suzuhara, I presume?"  
  
"Yes, and this is Kensuke Aida."  
  
"Glad to meet you.. even under the order of class rep."  
  
"You see, my friend has an obvious cr-ungh." With that, Kensuke remembered being elbowed in the stomach was detrimental to speech.  
  
"I warned you, Aida."  
  
"-soft spot for her?" Shinji completed calmly with a smile, earning a blush from Toji.  
  
"Its nothing of that sort! We have been friends since-"  
  
"yes, and you've been drooling over her since then!" shouted Kensuke from a safe distance... or that was what he thought.  
  
"Now you got it, Aida!" He roared and took off after him.  
  
"Have you ever asked her out, then?" Shinji interjected softly, bringing both of his -old?- friends to a crashing halt.  
  
"I.. Umm..It isn't like that!"  
  
"I could ask her for you if you wish?" one would have to be blind -or as dense as the duo- to not to see the hopeful look on his face before it was hidden away under annoyance.  
  
"NO! It is not like that."  
  
"I see. Shall we go for lunch, then?" he replied, and behind his large friend's back, winked at Kensuke, who grinned.  
  
* * *  
  
He found her waiting just outside the school, calmly standing there with her schoolbag held in front of her by both hands, staring at the sky... the exact point she looked at from the window. Her beauty made his heart ache, the source of that beauty...  
  
"here I am."  
  
"Greetings, Third child. I would speak with you."  
  
"Sure. Why don't we talk on the way?"  
  
"that would do."  
  
"so, what do you want to talk about?"  
  
"I.. wanted to know...about dreams."  
  
"Dreams?"  
  
"I never had dreams until... the third angel attack. Since then, I have been having... unpleasant dreams."  
  
"They are called nightmares. Have you talked doctor Akagi or commander about them?"  
  
"Yes. they explained that dreams were the products of my subconscious mind, not to be taken seriously."  
  
"Yet, you came to me."  
  
"I found the explanation... incomplete. And my research proved unsatisfactory."  
  
"then, Rei, why me?"  
  
"They... are mostly about you."  
  
"Me?"  
  
"I see you.. dying... and this disturbs me. I feel like I have a link with you."  
  
"Dreams... that is a hard subject. They are products of your mind, that I agree. But... I know that the LCL and sychronization tests affect us."  
  
"Nobody else reported such occurences."  
  
"Because most people think they are irrevelant, they are mostly unreported. Synchronization... brings out our worst fears, the things we buried the deepest, to surface in out dreams."  
  
"I see. I will discuss the matter with doctor Akagi."  
  
"Rei... just don't mention that I told you these."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I do not wish doctor Akagi to question me about my dreams."  
  
"I understand."  
  
"Here we are. We'll finish later."  
  
* * *  
  
In the following days, he let himself relax, enjoying the peace and quiet.  
  
He knew that could not last, that some angel or another... or the defense force... would try and disrupt this, that his friends had to be far away if they were to survive...  
  
Thinking, he had come to the conclusion that even if he could prevent the third impact, there was no way he could protect the entire city through all the war. There would be pain, there would be death.  
  
Yet, he enjoyed the moment. With little difficulty, he had managed to get Hikari to accompany them at lunchtimes, and after a few incidents, she was able to beat the duo into behaving in the presence of a lady. With his insistence, they had begun sharing her work among them, creating more opportunities to be together... along with plenty of opportunities to leave Hikari alone with their large friend.  
  
He even managed to persuade Rei join their little group a couple of times. She rarely, if ever, spoke, but he knew she was observing their exchanges. He knew she would soon begin asking questions. He was determined, that this time, he would not hear her saying she had nothing but the eva.  
  
* * *  
  
It was about a week after his first day, that the dreaded question popped up on his screen.  
  
Is it true that you are the pilot?  
  
He replied with two messages, one going to Hikari.  
  
I'm sorry, class representative.  
  
yes.  
  
And the hell broke loose in the classroom. He had thought he could not reply them for he was too shy, but that wasn't the case... there were simply too many questions to answer. Apparently too much of the students thought the eva was straight out of the 'mecha' cartoons. It was not until lunchtime that he was free, and he owed that to his two friend's timely rescue operation, which consisted of grabbing him, shielding him with their bodies, and running like hell. Stopping to breathe well out of the range of his new fans, they broke into laughter.  
  
"Man, I didn't ever think I would have to rescue someone from overattention!"  
  
"so, Ikari, you won't ever have trouble in getting laid again, huh?"  
  
"Thanks, you two. I owe you one."  
  
"Don't mention it, pilot-man. Sis said she saw it coming before you hauled it away, she never stops talking about it."  
  
"I... did what just came right."  
  
"So, how does it feel?"  
  
"It hurts. You feel everything, and that is the least of it. Knowing that if you fail, everybody dies... "  
  
"nobody will blame you if you try your best."  
  
"nobody will be around to do anything if I don't do better."  
  
The alarms went off.  
  
"I call that a sense of timing." Commented Toji after the running third child.  
  
* * *  
  
She watched from the screens as they fought, unable to do anything else without orders. The combat was visibly one-sided, as the laser- tentacles were too nimble to dodge, and long enough to thwart any counterattack.  
  
She watched the combat become even more one-sided as the angel severed unit one's power cable.  
  
* * *  
  
As the laser tentacle wrapped around unit one's arm, he cried out in pain and dropped the progressive knife. The counter flashed two minutes as he yanked back at the entangled arm with all his might, hoping to pull the angel closer. It proved stronger than him though, and, yanking back, sent him flying to the mountain's face.  
  
He collided upside down, looking at the angel, feet kicking the air.  
  
A memory flashed through his mind, of Kensuke and Toji screaming from outside their shelter.  
  
And he rolled over just in time to avoid falling on top of them. With a push of his elbows and knees, he dragged himself to all fours, covering them... and taking the whiplike appendage to his back.  
  
He screamed in pain.  
  
* * *  
  
She felt something well up inside her, something unfamiliar. When he screamed, she was filled with the need to go out with unit zero and tear the offending angel to bits, for making him scream. As she reveled in the urge, the vice-commander, and only him, noticed two things.  
  
Rei was looking at the screen with pure hatred in her eyes.  
  
Unit Zero's single eye was glowing dimly.  
  
* * *  
  
*damnit! How did I get it the last time?"  
  
As he struggled to rise despite the pain, another lash came down, bringing a flood of memories... the interesting side was that none of them was from his perspective; as if he was watching from above.  
  
Unit one going berserk, destroying the third angel.  
  
Himself going berserk, destroying the fourth.  
  
Twelfth...thirteenth...fourteenth...  
  
Berserk.  
  
A third lash came, jarring him back to reality for a moment.  
  
Not in control. Angered. Desperate. Afraid.  
  
Primal.  
  
A fourth lash came. Pain shot through his being. He began to rise, then stopped.  
  
"Internal power depleted!"  
  
"Eject entry plug!" he heard Misato shout.  
  
"Signal not received!"  
  
Another memory. He heard Rei talk.  
  
If you don't open your mind to her, the eva won't move.  
  
"Lets do this."  
  
"third child's synchronization ratio rising! Ninety percent!"  
  
"I cannot fail right now."  
  
"Unit one reactivated!"  
  
the laser tentacle came down for a fifth time, aimed directly at the entry plug, to be stopped by the open palm of the eva... wrapping around its forearm. It yanked, this time pulling the angel close, then puched it in the eye with its free fist, rising to its feet.  
  
"synchronization at one hundred percent! Ego borderline!"  
  
He was not Shinji, yet she was not unit one. Exactly at the ego borderline, it was both of them. The struggle left no higher thought in the collective mind, and one thought passed over and over.  
  
*WE MUST WIN! WE MUST LIVE!*  
  
there was a constricting feeling around their chest, leaving them unable to breathe. Without thinking, their hands went to the point where the main armor plates met, fingers searching for hold. Stopping for a moment, they heaved, pulling the chest armor of unit one apart with a cry of agony.  
  
Earning gasps from the command crew as the underdeveloped s2 organ of unit one shimmered and beat, free of the obstruction.  
  
"An animal..." Fuyutsuki said, full of wonder.  
  
"A predator." Corrected Gendo.  
  
*HUNGER!*  
  
Then, with a primal snarl, the purple golem launched itself at the rising angel, tearing into it... gobbling up whatever piece it could.  
  
"What is it doing?" Misato asked, wide-eyed.  
  
"It's hungry. It was cut off from power, now it seeks a source." Replied her old friend.  
  
"The s2 engine?"  
  
"Yes, it seeks the s2 organ."  
  
They watched as the thing picked up the core of the angel, regarding it for a moment before gulping it down.  
  
They watched as the small, underdeveloped organ of unit one grew and matured, Its beating subsided, Its glow became steady.  
  
"Ego barrier failing! Synchronization rising over theoretical limit!"  
  
"Cut nerve connections!"  
  
"Signal rejected by the eva."  
  
*will we become one like last time?* she asked himself.  
  
*don't we wish to?*  
  
*yes... but we are needed.*  
  
*later... we will be one.*  
  
"synchronization falling... stabilized at eighty-five percent."  
  
"Ejection signal received. Entry plug ejecting."  
  
* * *  
  
*guess I could not evade this place forever.* was his first thought when he opened his eyes, the familiar ceiling of NERV infirmary looking back at him.  
  
"good morning." A voice called. He tried to turn, but both his chest and back protested. Groaning, he settled back.  
  
"what is the matter? You should be okay." Asked the voice, turning out to be the nurse.  
  
"My back hurts.. and my ribs."  
  
"I..I will call the doctor." She stuttered. He was to be released a in a few hours time, and he was still hurt?  
  
"That will not be necessary." Doctor Akagi replied form the doorway; "Now leave us alone."  
  
"Hello, doctor." He mumbled.  
  
"You synchronized too high... the pain should be passing."  
  
"You are not here for that." He completed for her.  
  
"Yes. You awakened the eva."  
  
"Awakened... a fitting word."  
  
"You knew how to."  
  
"Not exactly."  
  
"Elaborate."  
  
"Instinctive. I felt my chest was constricted, I tore the bindings off. I felt hungry, I ate."  
  
"you are aware of the consequences of your actions?"  
  
"what consequences?"  
  
"We may lose the eva. Awakened, it can refuse pilots. If it goes berserk, we cannot control it."  
  
"I will pilot her, and I will tame her if need be."  
  
"Her?"  
  
"It regards itself as a female."  
  
That sent her running. Amused that he knew enough to distress the genius-doctor, he smiled to himself, drifting into sleep...  
  
...hazily noticing the blue haired form coming in before completely slipping.  
  
* * *  
  
She looked at him for a moment, then sat by his side, contemplating.  
  
Why his scream had made her feel so... different. Why she dreamed of him. Why her thoughts were clearer near him.  
  
She looked at him as he turned in his sleep, his back turned towards her. And through the back of his hospital robe, she saw four long, red marks. Where the angel had struck him.  
  
*actual wounds?* she wondered as she lightly traced one with her finger. Real wounds. Real... like he was actually whipped.  
  
Her face darkening, she left the room to search for the commander.  
  
* * *  
  
"he is marked." She explained.  
  
"Elaborate." The commander ordered.  
  
"He has those marks..." she told them as she spread the photos before them, "on his palms. He also has a small burn mark on his chest, where the third angel shot him, and he has lash marks on his back, from the last battle." She completed as she gave them more photos.  
  
"Magi report?"  
  
"They suggest that the lash marks could have been branded when he was attacked during an extreme synchronization event. They also suggest that such an occurence, while not enough to totally reconstruct the body, is enough to create minor marks and wounds existent in his mental definition of himself."  
  
"So his self-image is wounded?"  
  
"Altough the theory is untested, it is the most probable."  
  
"Very well, doctor. You may leave."  
  
After she left, Fuyutsuki spoke.  
  
"These marks... they are not supposed to appear until the red earth ceremony."  
  
"He sees himself as branded."  
  
"Yet, he cannot be. He cannot know what the stigmata look like."  
  
"He does, apparently."  
  
"What can that mean?"  
  
"That means we will have to watch him closely."  
  
* * *  
  
"Hey, savior! Good news, you are released!"  
  
"Great. Get me out of here, I hate this ceiling."  
  
"relax, you have been here for just two hours... awake, at least."  
  
"You can't even guess how long that is." He replied, smiling to his guardian.  
  
"You know, what you did made the commander drop his glasses." She spoke chreefully.  
  
"What I did makes me sick."  
  
"At least you managed to save those two."  
  
"How are they?"  
  
"I scared them a little with the confidentiality talk, then sent them home. They were worried sick over you, especially the girl."  
  
"The girl?"  
  
"Yes." she chuckled; "She ran out of the shelter as soon as the alarm was over, and we barely managed to rescue your friends from her. I swear I have never anybody to deal out so much scolding in so little time... perhaps Ritsuko."  
  
"they deserved it. Perhaps you should have left them to her?"  
  
"She'll get them at school anyway... maybe she already has."  
  
"I'd bet on that. Let's go home."  
  
  
  
AN: for her, she who drove me mad.  
  
Most of you have noticed, but I also will tell, that Rei here also has a few near-memories of the 'last time' prodding her to remember her feelings for young Ikari. She was nearly omnipotent at the end, after all.  
  
And, I am going to assume Shinji has gained more than what is apparent from his time with the united humanity, namely some memories of others I find him convenient to have.  
  
Also note that the timetable has changed. I got Rei out of hospital in a week instead of twenty days, and the angel attacked one week early... and one week after Shinji's first day at school. This was intentional.  
  
This is the second posting, for I did not notice that the last blackout (and here we have them often) destroyed the last passage I wrote, leaving a whole gap. Apologies. 


	4. Three Dreaming

He knew the scene. But watching it from third person perspective was... disorienting. He saw Asuka scream at 'him' standing before her, screaming her hate. He remembered the pain.  
  
"She didn't mean it." He muttered. She was a scared, hurt child at the moment.  
  
Then, he saw 'himself'... his face turned to a snarl, he crouched, and pounced on the girl, trying to gouge her eyes out with his fingers, screaming incoherently.  
  
Like what he had done to the third angel the first time.  
  
"No" he muttered weakly.  
  
He watched as the second child met an extremely grisly end at 'his' hands. He watched as the Shinji turned to regard him, smiled, and licked the blood from his hand.  
  
"No" he whispered.  
  
The scene changed. They were going down, Rei and himself. He knew the scene. A moment later, Rei would slap him.  
  
The hand flew. He saw himself catch the hand in flight, and yanked on it. A disturbing sound came from the armsocket, and she screamed in pain. Unrelenting, he followed with an assortment of punches and kicks. As the bloody remains of the girl feebly raised a hand from the ground, he saw the other land a punch to her chest... he saw blood spurt.  
  
"NO!" he screamed.  
  
"Did you think it was the eva who went berserk, shinji?" spoke a voice from within his head. "The eva and the synchronization may only bring what is buried deep to your sight. This is you, shinji."  
  
"No." He replied, his voice shaking. The scene changed, he saw himself staring at him, both hands dripping with blood. Behind him were the lfeless forms of Rei and Asuka, crucified to red crosses, blood pooling at the ground below them.  
  
"It is a matter of choice, Shinji. Run away and they get killed. Don't, and kill them yourself."  
  
He screamed himself awake as the other grinned at him.  
  
* * *  
  
She knew she was dreaming. Her mental discipline allowed her to tell that. Yet, she could not wake herself.  
  
She was standing on an endless plain of bluish green grass. Before her sat a figure with his back turned to her. She approached him.  
  
"One must do what she must, eh?" the figure spoke. "then where is the free will?"  
  
"I do not understand." she replied.  
  
The boy stood and faced her, revealing himself to be the third child.  
  
"Do you feel, deep within?" he asked, placing his right hand on her left breast.  
  
"I.. I..."  
  
"The pull... the pull of your blood. Is your blood stronger than your will?" he continued.  
  
She looked down at her body, she could clearly see the blood flow in the veins. She looked back at the boy, to see the upper half of a white giant crucified to a giant red cross by his side. Both spoke.  
  
"Come to me."  
  
She took a step towards the giant, understanding what the boy said. She wanted to go to the boy, but... her existence, something deep within, pulled her to the giant.  
  
"I understand." the boy said, sadness in his eyes. Why did the sadness in his eyes disturb her? The boy turned to the unit one, which threw itself at the giant before she could reach it. They both disappeared in an explosion of blood, to be replaced by the third child in his plug suit. He looked pale, ready to collapse.... and he collapsed.  
  
She ran and caught him before he could fall, laying him gently to the bloodstained grass.  
  
He smiled at her warmly, and spoke.  
  
"To protect, sacrifices must be given."  
  
Then he melted into a pool of LCL.  
  
And screamed herself awake.  
  
* * *  
  
The dream did not leave him alone. Through the day, the phantom's last question echoed in his head, and all the battles he'd gone berserk played themselves over and over in front of his eyes. He glanced over to her desk, to find it empty. She was at the headquarters for the tests again.  
  
Ikari, are you there?  
  
who is it?  
  
you spaced out pretty good. Thinking about ayanami?  
  
kensuke?  
  
eh, he's alive at least.  
  
just didn't sleep well.  
  
* * *  
  
She turned in the tank, looking at her copies.  
  
*pull of blood?*  
  
they looked at her, as soulless as ever.  
  
*do we have free will at all?* she thought, her thought echoing from the soulless minds  
  
She frowned, her coipes mimicking her. So much she would like to discuss her dream with him, yet it was classified.  
  
"Rei, try to concentrate on synchronization. Your rate is below one hundred for the first time."  
  
She frowned deeper. If there was one thing she did not want, it was her... replacement not remembering what she had learned since he'd come.  
  
She smiled, for she knew the ratio had passed her usual one hundred percent. Her replacement would not have the hazy collection she inherited from the first. She smiled, and thought of what little she had learned since he came, opening her whole existence to her sisters.  
  
* * *  
  
His eyes shot wide open, his head unknowingly turning to the far away NERV headquarters. He had felt something, something unfamiliar... although the situation was unfamiliar, the presence was familiar to him.  
  
*But how?* he managed to think as a huge tank of LCL filled with Rei clones imposed itself over the wall he stared at, his thoughts mixing withthoughts about himself.  
  
*her thoughts* he realized as her encounters with him passed from his mind... from her perspective, mixed with her emotions. For the entire lenght of the connection, he was oblivious to the calls of the teacher or his friends, and dimly aware that they were trying to shake him awake.  
  
As the connection faded, the tank of LCL left its place to the wall of the school infirmary, the questions of the nurse becoming more audible.  
  
"I'm allright" he spoke suddenly, startling the nurse. "Just an aftereffect of my second job." He explained as he got up to go back to his classroom, leaving the nurse confused.  
  
His nightmare forgotten, he went on with a pleasant smile on his face for the rest of the day.  
  
* * *  
  
"Your performance was erratic today." Gendo explained as she got out of the tank.  
  
"There has been much change." She explained calmly.  
  
"You were supposed to be unable to dream."  
  
"I was among the things that changed."  
  
"We'll see. Doctor Akagi will run a full diagnosis on you this afternoon, then you have synchronization test. Make sure your changes do not interfere with your mission."  
  
"I understand."  
  
She understood. He did not care about her mindset, or her emotions. The first was to be the child. She was to be the pilot, she would be replaced after the angels. He would have her replacement for his purposes, one that would have hazy recollections of her memories, one that would be his doll.  
  
*Doll?* she thought. She had no recollection about that phrase, yet it came familiar to her, like she had heard it before... heard it often. She concentrated, but could not remember when.  
  
*Probably a memory from the first* she thought and disregarded it. Yet, the Phrase was fitting.  
  
His doll.  
  
No, that was not it.  
  
Commander's doll.  
  
That was.  
  
She frowned, and went to take a shower.  
  
* * *  
  
"Nerve connections established."  
  
"Synchronization rate stabilized at... sixty percent."  
  
"You are below your usual score, Rei. Any problems?"  
  
"No, doctor Akagi."  
  
"Do not think anything but the eva."  
  
*the eva is not iloted by the mind. It is piloted by the soul.*  
  
She did not answer her, though the desire to do so was stronger than usual.  
  
*Am I... becoming human?*  
  
"Synchronization rate fifty-nine percent and falling."  
  
She could not afford it. The part of her that used to crave for death, for an end to her emptiness, now wanted to exist.  
  
*am I becoming human?*  
  
She did not know the answer. Yet, she knew she did not want to be replaced now.  
  
"Synchronization rate rising... sixty... sixty two... sisty four... sixty six... synch rate stabilized at sixty-six percent." One of the bridge crew reported.  
  
She had yet to learn.  
  
* * *  
  
"What do you want?" the voice called, and she again knew she was dreaming.  
  
"What do you want?" it asked again.  
  
"I..."  
  
"To fulfill your purpose?" the voice asked, Showing her, from her eyes as she'd first seen it, lilith.  
  
"I..."  
  
"To be happy?" it asked, showing her... the third child.  
  
"I..."  
  
"To find oblivion?" it asked.. and everything went blank.  
  
"I... want to be... human."  
  
"Human.... what is human?"  
  
"Like them..." she thought about everyone she knew, but one kept coming back to her focus.  
  
"Free will? Emotions?"  
  
"Like them..." Ikari...  
  
"Regret? Pain?"  
  
"Like them..." Ikari...  
  
"What makes you.. inhuman?"  
  
"different..."  
  
And she suddenly saw her ceiling. She sat up slowly, a wave of vertigo dissuading her from standing up.  
  
"and now, the missing part..." her voice echoed in her head before she began feeling an odd sensation build up, like something was trying to break... force... its way through.  
  
Another wave of vertigo crashed as she shakily stood, reaching for hell cell phone.  
  
It burst. She was born, she was a child, she played, she laughed... she died.  
  
She let out a great wail as the memories of the first came crashing through her mind. The wail died out, being replaced by whimpers as the world around her was replaced by the extremely vivid memories. She fell to the ground, curling into a fetal ball.  
  
* * *  
  
The unearthly wail shook him out of his reverie. He was out, running again, this time from his nightmares, for everytime he'd close his eyes, another one would come forth.  
  
He was out, using the rythmic motions of walking through the city and the -somewhat- cool night air to keep himself awake.  
  
He was out, not noticing himself, that his legs took him towards her house first, and kept him circling around it.  
  
He broke into a run as soon as he heard the scream, knowing by heart whose scream it was.  
  
He kicked open her ever-unlocked door, bursting in, finding the girl mumbling and sobbing, lying on her side, on the floor. He knew what to do as he ran and knelt by her side, lifting her up, pressing her to his chest, softly rocking her to sleep.  
  
* * *  
  
She smiled from above, taking no material form. It had taken a lot off her, to manipulate their dreams, to manipulate her existence, yet, it was worthy. The defenders were now girded for battle, the angel made human, the coward made brave. Without her interference, the last child would find herself, and woe to any that would cross their paths.  
  
She smiled, amused at how she had locked and bound her own destiny, her demise.  
  
*for you loved them, Tabris* she sighed before turning her gaze downwards again.  
  
* * *  
  
She had had a weird dream last night, in her dream she had dreamt of dreaming. Of having a nightmare... To rise, and to fall to the floor, struck by... the memories of the first. Her childhood.  
  
She still remembered.  
  
Was it a dream?  
  
Arms wrapping around her, a voice soothing her, someone lifting her up and laying her to her bed, singing her to sleep with soft words...  
  
Commander? She inquired. No that was for the first, exclusively. She had been treated like human, and killed. First was the child. She was the warrior. Third would be mother.  
  
"Morning, Rei."  
  
"Ikari?" she asked, shocked. It was not a dream after all, nor a memory.  
  
"I must go to school. You take your rest. I'll return."  
  
"I have tests" she replied as he was about to leave.  
  
"They are postponed." He said, with a smile.  
  
Not a smile. It was a smirk, like those the commander gave at times.  
  
As he left, pain spread through her mind at the thought of him being like his father.  
  
* * *  
  
She just sat there, looking at the phone, appaled.  
  
She almost wanted to call back and confirm that it was not the commander that had called her.  
  
"yes, rei?" she had answered, the call coming from the clone's phone.  
  
"It is shinji, doctor."  
  
"Shinji? What are-"  
  
"does she have any tests today?"  
  
"Rei? Yes, this afternoon."  
  
"they will need to be postponed. She is not in condition to come there."  
  
"She is not? Allright, wait there, I'm coming."  
  
"Better not, Doctor. She keeps rubbing her neck, mumbling something about doctor akagi and the first. I do not think it would be wise."  
  
That was when she had went pale.  
  
"What has happened?"  
  
"Nothing serious. She's had a nightmare."  
  
"Allright, I'll postpone her tests. But be-"  
  
He had hung up on her. The Emotionless tone, the ordering speech, and hanging up on her.  
  
She was almost sure it was the commander.  
  
* * *  
  
"Shinji, are you allright? You are preoccupied these days."  
  
"I'm fine... worrying a little too much over that angel business, I think." He answered the class representative.  
  
"Hey why don't we go somewhere after school to cheer him up?" suggested Toji.  
  
"Why don't you take Hikari out somewhere after school, you mean." He replied, smiling softly.  
  
"Woo-hoo! Trapped!" yelled Kensuke from a safe distance, yet this time he did not earn a response as the target was too preoccupied finding an escape without getting her upset. Istead, he was drawn off the scene by Shinji, who was smiling.  
  
Hikari looked up at him, smiling, and spoke softly before turning to leave.  
  
"You can yell 'its not like this' still, Suzuhara."  
  
"I..."  
  
"I understand." she said without turning back, and left the classroom, leaving him alone with his lunch.  
  
* * *  
  
There was a flash that lit up the sky brighter than the sun, and the sound of the explosion followed behind... far behind.  
  
Gendo Ikari, altough not seeing the blast, smiled.  
  
His old teacher, secure within the test bunker, kept his face emotionless, the necessity of the blast scorching his heart.  
  
And people died as the nuclear engine of the prototype mecha 'jet Alone' reminded the earth of the feared weapons of the pre second impact world.  
  
* * *  
  
She was startled by the explosion, their eyes immediately locking.  
  
"the jet alone test." He whispered.  
  
"You do not have high enough clearance to know this." She replied.  
  
"I did... one time." He replied, dreamily.  
  
"I do not understand." she stated.  
  
"Neither do I. Now where were we? Regret?" he asked her, and their conversion resumed.  
  
  
  
AN: For her, she who put my rage to sleep.  
  
Just dreams. I will use dream sequences in the future, but this chapter is dedicated to them alone.  
  
Also, the jet alone. I deduced that wanting its destruction, Gendo would send someone who knew what was to happen to the test, not the unpredictable tactical officer. Also I took the liberty of destroying it far enough from the city that the characters would only see the blast. And I am going to disregard the radiation-fallout effects entirely. 


	5. Four One Sacrificing

"Idiot." He remarked calmly to his friend.  
  
"I know, I know." The 'large stooge' replied.  
  
"Go talk to her." The third of the trio insisted.  
  
The third 'Hikari' congress of the three 'stooges' went on, Toji Suzuhara wrapped deeply in his own fear and lack of belief in his own worth, Shinji Ikari pounding at his defenses expertly, Aida Kensuke pushing at him to go and speak with her.  
  
"It just that I'm no-"  
  
"good enough for her?" Shinji cut off. "It's her decision."  
  
"Yeah, she'll dump you if you are!" Kensuke chimed.  
  
"Look, I tell you..."  
  
"Okay. Enough for today." Exhaled a suddenly angry Kensuke, confounding his two friends by stomping off.  
  
* * *  
  
"I think I understand what lust is, but the term crush still is unclear to me." explained the clone to her -friend?-  
  
"It is... this is rather hard to explain." She replied, hesitating.  
  
"I understand that lust is a byproduct of breeding instincts, and you described love as a mixture of seperate emotions, a strong desire to be near the one you love, a desire to protect, and a desire to make the other happy. I do not understand why a 'crush' does not fit into either category."  
  
"Love also includes lust." A voice spoke, joining them.  
  
"Aida-kun?" asked the class representative, the boy being the last one she'd expect to be away from his 'comrades' and speaking to the girls.  
  
"If you are talking about it in the romantical view. A crush is... best described as false love, something that your mind creates to fill the emptiness when you are not in love."  
  
"How do you tell them apart?" inquired the clone, pouncing on the new perspective immediately.  
  
"You cannot. You pursue them, and only time can tell, for lo-" he was cut off as the alarms rang, and the blue haired pilot was gone faster than he thought possible. He sighed, and turned to the class rep.  
  
"Timing, eh? Lets get the class together."  
  
"Aida... what happened to you?" she asked, managing to get through her shock.  
  
"Three days full of trying to convince Suzuhara to open up to you." He sighed, and turning away, he joined the rest of the class in formation.  
  
Before she could collect herself, they were ready to go to the shelter.  
  
* * *  
  
He grimaced as he remembered. The time was different, it had not come in the middle of a test like last time, it had not come before the jet alone test like last time, yet it was the same, same angle of exit, same particle beam, nowhere to dodge, no way to prepare...  
  
"High energy reaction detected within target!" somebody yelled.  
  
He saw a bright light flicker a moment before his AT field...  
  
*maybe the AT field can ho-*  
  
...And crash into his chest. He was amazed that it had the ability to kill him without even penetrating his armor as the LCL temperature suddenly shot up, and the pain stole away his consciousness in the blink of an eye.  
  
* * *  
  
She sat by his side, waiting for him to wake. Anger... fury... filled her at the prospect that he was hurt. She knew that kind of emotion could possibly cloud her judgment in battle, at the same time she was aware of another fact.  
  
Her synch ratio would be much, much higher than normal this time.  
  
He stirred, opening his eyes to see her smiling face. The sight alone was enough to banish all his pain.  
  
She let her smile fade as she began briefing him on the operation.  
  
"We were assigned on operation yashima. The operation will begin at midnight. We will scramble the cage at 17:30, the evas will be readied at 18:00, we will lauch and proceed to the emergency base at 18:05, to receive further instructions."  
  
"thanks, Rei." Silence followed.  
  
"I.. I need to go. Captain Katsuragi and doctor akagi are waiting for me."  
  
"Rei..."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Are you afraid of the eva too?" that earned a small, sad smile from the girl, dazzling him again with another show of emotion.  
  
"I was born to pilot the eva." She replied before walking out.  
  
* * *  
  
"Rei?" the scientist asked.  
  
"Hai?"  
  
"You will be the gunner. Shinji-kun, you will provide cover. This arrangement was made due to the stronger AT field unit one is able to project, and the increased resilience of its armor. With the addition of the shield we've acquired..." that brought a smirk from Misato, at what the shield indeed was. "...we believe unit one can hold out long enough to allow a second shot in case of a misfire."  
  
"I will protect unit zero." He said simply, a serene smile on his lips.  
  
"And Rei, as the second shot may come at the expense of unit one, you will have to destroy it with your first shot. The beam trajectory will be altered by the magnetic field , gravity and rotation of earth, so you will have to adjust accordingly. If you fail at the first time, change fuses, cooldown, and fire again."  
  
"I understand."  
  
"Now go change."  
  
* * *  
  
"I am glad." He talked while getting into his plugsuit.  
  
"I thought you disliked piloting the eva." She spoke.  
  
"I don't like killing." He explained. "not even the angels. But to protect... I would die."  
  
"You should not die. You are not replaceable." She replied, with the slightest tinge of sadness in her voice. Could he see her now, he would have noticed she was pale beyond normal, haunted by her first dream ever.  
  
"Neither are you, Rei. Everybody is unique."  
  
* * *  
  
"Rei, do you fear death?" his voice asked over the comm as they waited for the go-ahead.  
  
"I... I do." She blurted out, surprised herself.  
  
"Then why are you doing this?"  
  
"It is my bond."  
  
"To life?"  
  
"Hai."  
  
"Do you have any other bonds?"  
  
"H- Hai."  
  
"Good. Emotions make you strong."  
  
*emotions hinder your purpose.* echoed the commander's voice inside her head.  
  
"I..."  
  
"time to go. We'll finish when we return." He said before cutting comms.  
  
* * *  
  
She watched the power indicator turn full, her sight already trained on the target, and pulled the trigger. Impossibly, the angel fired at her at the exact moment, and the two charged beams threw each other off-course.  
  
"Quick! Change the fuses!" cried out the captain, but she was already on the task.  
  
"Failed." She reported. "the weapon was rendered useless by overheating."  
  
Utter frustration shone in her eyes, contradicting the calmness of her voice as she eyed the molten lump of metal that was the main unit of the cannon.  
  
There was a flash from the angel as it fired again.  
  
And another as it crashed into an invisible wall.  
  
* * *  
  
*Rei!* was his first thought as he unfolded his AT field and stepped between the angel and unit zero. The particle beam came streaming against his AT field, and he strained to hold it together.  
  
Determination on his face, he planted his feet firmly, and raised the makeshift shield to where the beam would hit after passing his field.  
  
"Pull out! Retreat! Shinji, Rei, retreat! The plan failed!"  
  
"Sorry Misato." He grunted. "If I pull out, it gets HQ."  
  
The beam broke through, colliding with his shield.  
  
* * *  
  
*he is going to die.* she thought.  
  
*to protect you* a voice in her head echoed... her voice, but somewhat brimming with sadness. *to protect, sacrifices must be made.*  
  
*I am replaceable.* She sent back, and abandoning the rifle, unit zero rose to its feet.  
  
*sacrifice what is valuable.* the reply came.  
  
* * *  
  
As the shield neared its end, he let out a deep mental sigh and opened his mind to the eva.  
  
*lets do this.*  
  
"third child's synchronization rate rising rapidly!" came a shout from over the comm  
  
*Indeed.* He thought. Unlike last time, he felt calm. He knew what was to happen.  
  
* * *  
  
"What is he doing?" Asked the tactical officer, looking at the synchronization graph.  
  
"He is lowering his ego barrier to achieve the full power of the eva." Replied her friend, watching in fascination.  
  
"What does that mean?"  
  
"He is accepting to be absorbed into the eva." She replied, not turning to look at her friend.  
  
Her eyes went wide for a moment before she turned to the communicator, trying to dissuade Shinji.  
  
* * *  
  
*he is going... into the eva.* remarked the voice.  
  
*but.. he won't be able to return.*  
  
*he knows. He made his choice. Now for yours.*  
  
*what can I do?*  
  
*let the light of your soul shine upon him.*  
  
*I do not understand.*  
  
*Wrap him in your AT field.*  
  
*I cannot manipulate my AT field this way.*  
  
*your AT field protects your definition of yourself. Define him as a part of yourself, inseperable, and wrap him.*  
  
*How?*  
  
*what do you feel about him?*  
  
*I.. I do not know...*  
  
*Do not try to name it! Just Feel it!*  
  
*I...*  
  
*sacrifice... the barriers of your heart. Or his life.*  
  
*I...*  
  
* * *  
  
The shield gave way, but the particle beam did not make contact. Instead, it was pushed back as the AT field of unit one sprang back to its place, the eva straightening and dropping the remains of the shield. The particle beam continued crashing against the field, but unlike before, the field was not giving way. Slowly, Unit one raised its arms upwards, the palms facing the angel.  
  
* * *  
  
"Synchronization at fourty hundred percent!"  
  
"AT field modification detected around unit one!"  
  
"Look at this!"  
  
* * *  
  
*Pitiful spawn of adam, dare you challenge the mother?* it thought, annoyed at the small fireworks Ramiel was ineffectually creating. With mocking ease, it pushed the assault back, Reaching out for its offender's soul, snuffing its light with but a thought. Then it turned its attention inwards, to the turmoil within.  
  
* * *  
  
*Too late...* the voice gave a sigh as Unit one pushed back the assault and slew the angel with punching through it with its AT field. As the purple Eva slumped forward, deactivating, the presence pulled back, Leving Rei alone with her pain.  
  
* * *  
  
"Eject the entry plug." Misato ordered.  
  
"Signal not received."  
  
"Status on pilot?"  
  
"No readings..." maya muttered, only managing to whimper when she switched to visual of the plug.  
  
"Shinji?" The tactical officer looked at the screen, uncomprehending.  
  
The interior of the plug held nothing. Like the eva was sent out without a pilot. No evidence that Shinji Ikari had been there at all.  
  
* * *  
  
"there is no argument about this. He knew."  
  
"Is it possible that the eva instructed him?" asked his old mentor.  
  
"It is possible, yet I believe the third child knew how to open himself to the eva, and the power to be gained. The eva was not to gain enough self awareness until it was activated without a pilot."  
  
"Dummy system... it was to awaken the unit one?"  
  
"Among its other purposes, yes."  
  
* * *  
  
He stood still, watching the forest around him. His senses told him he was in a forest, but he knew.  
  
"Did we defeat the angel?" he asked out aloud.  
  
"Could have we been defeated?" answered a familiar voice.  
  
*Rei?* he whirled around to face the source.  
  
She was rei. At least, what Rei would be if she was an extremely beautiful woman in her early twenties... and in her birthday clothes.  
  
Strange part of it was that seeing a fully-grown, stunningly beautiful, naked woman in front of him did not earn any reaction. It seemed perfectly natural.  
  
"You are not Rei." He spoke after a long look.  
  
"No. I am the source. I am the mother. I am what your 'rei' failed to mimic." She told, with a slight hint of disgust at the mention of the clone.  
  
"Lilith..."  
  
"Yes, my Shinji. Lilith." She walked up to him, caressing his cheek with the tenderness of a lover. "Also what your 'rei' would have been if she were perfect." She looked at his eyes, the depth of her eyes and the burning love within them drawing him to her.  
  
"Ahem." A similar feminine voice interrupted. He turned to face the source of the interruption, gasped, and screamed with joy.  
  
"Mother!"  
  
She was standing there, a slight smile on her face, wearing her usual lab attire, the clothing he'd last seen her in. With another cry of mother, he ran to her arms, and burying his face on her shoulder, began sobbing.  
  
* * *  
  
"Good morning, Rei."  
  
"Good morning, Horaki-san." She answered, preoccupied.  
  
"Umm.. is shinji allright?"  
  
"He was wounded in the battle. He is in the infirmary. He will be back soon." She lied, turned to leave for her desk, then stopped.  
  
"Horaki-san?"  
  
"Yes, Rei?"  
  
"We need to talk."  
  
"About what?"  
  
"Feelings."  
  
"We'll have lunch together, then." The class representative replied.  
  
"I understand." she replied, pulling out her cell phone.  
  
* * *  
  
Thirty minutes later, Four children, namely Rei, Hikari, Toji and kensuke were 'escorted' to Misato Katsuragi's apartment by the said tactical officer and two section two agents.  
  
"Wow." Explained the military otaku, explaining the whole ordeal. Rei had phoned someone, Misato had come, they all had been called to the principal's office, given their leave for the day, escorted by the agents to the apartment.  
  
"Are you sure this will help?" asked Misato.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Make sure you do not tell them anything classified."  
  
"I may have to."  
  
"I hope you know what you are doing."  
  
"So do I." Replied the clone.  
  
"What is going on?" asked toji, interrupting.  
  
"I was untruthful about Ikari's condition." Explained Rei. "he is not wounded, yet his condition is what you might name comatose. I need your help to call him back."  
  
"Comatose? Take us to him!" ordered the class representative.  
  
"Only I can call him back, but I need to understand human emotions. You shall teach me."  
  
  
  
AN: Last time, for her, for the fire is gone.  
  
Writing is harder now, something went dead in me. Only my wow to finish everything I start drives me. Expect it to come extremely slow... I don't want to write anymore.  
  
Nothing else. Back to my madness.  
  
"No love, no light, but which causes pain." Where did I read this?  
  
Thanks to Jon Cook. 


	6. Four Two Sacrificing

The disclaimer has already been given. Bother me No more.  
  
---  
  
"I have to go back" he exclaimed half-heartedly, his tone encouraging them to say something to hold him back... even begging them to reason against his departure.  
  
"Are you unhappy with us?" asked the Lilith-shard.  
  
"I... I am, but-"  
  
"But they need you?" The woman replied softly. "They do not. They only need you as a pilot, and we can fight the adamspawn much better this way."  
  
"They will be upset..."  
  
"Who? The woman who tries to adopt you as the child she never had? Your loving father? The copy that sees you as her ticket to humanity? They only use you, my darling. Stay with us, my love, with your mother and your true love... we shall save them from adam's brood and from themselves, peace and love will be theirs. Then we will have all the eternity together." She reasoned, her love for him radiating from her eyes, his mother smiling softly at him from behind her.  
  
"But..."  
  
And the discussion went of, turning over and over to the same point, his resolve to return faltering more and more with each promise of safety and love.  
  
* * *  
  
"So, how do you understand someone has fallen in love with another?" the clone asked the boy, watching the class representative and largest of stooges bicker, over each other's answers to her questions.  
  
"you cannot. I mean, you cannot tell a crush, love or lust apart by just looking at them.... until they get together."  
  
"How do you understand there is an interaction, then?"  
  
"Did you ever watch those two?"  
  
"For a time. They seem to be watching each other when they think the other is not looking, they are quite hesitant about talking to each other, and very sensitive about remarks on their relationship."  
  
"you have answered your own questions. These are the usual... reactions... of people who are attracted to another." The military freak answered, trying to look upon the matter as objective as possible.  
  
"So, you are attracted to Horaki-san as well?"  
  
"I do no- guess I gave myself away, huh?" he replied, a blush spreading through his face before disappearing as fast as it came.  
  
"how does it feel?"  
  
"I.. you need to be near her all the time, to talk to her, to look at her. She becomes the most beautiful person you can ever think of, her words the sweetest even when she is yelling at you. Every moment apart is pure pain when you are apart." He spoke, a far away look appearing on his face.  
  
"I understand. Will you now occupy your friend while I talk with her?"  
  
"Of course.. but Rei?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"What I said... must remain between us. She must not know."  
  
"I... Understand. Embarassment?"  
  
"No... I really want them to be happy together." He replied, a look of pain falling on his eyes.  
  
"I... I do not understand." she spoke, puzzled. "you are attracted to her, and you..."  
  
"That is what seperates a crush and love, Ayanami. The moment you think of her good before yours, you can be sure that you are in love."  
  
"Thanks, Aida..kun." she whispered as Kensuke literally threw himself in the middle of their argument, immediately pulling his larger friend into a conversation about Misato before turning to wink at her.  
  
* * *  
  
"The Schedule is broken, the plan in pieces!" roared the voice of one of the monoliths.  
  
"The copy is Awakened!" yet another added to the cacaphony of voices.  
  
"Silence." Came the calm, yet forceful voice of monolith one.  
  
"Our malleable, adaptable plan is in pieces!" retorted the third monolith, continuing his rant. "Your Plan!"  
  
"the one who should never have interfered has joined the play." The first monolith spoke.  
  
"Regret? ?mpossible! We cannot face the angel of tears before our last act! She is forbidden!" came the denial from nearly all of the members.  
  
"Her appearance has a connection with the condition of the vessel." Reasoned the ninth, who had not joined the others in their shrieking. "I suggest the scrolls to be studied about her capabilities and limits, and the hidden be questioned about her."  
  
"Agreed. We shall meet again after the sixth attacks. Now go." Commanded the first monolith, and all disappeared.  
  
* * *  
  
"And he told that who you valued, yourself or your partner, the most told love and a crush apart."  
  
"He did? Valuing someone over yourself is not restricted to that kind of love, but combined with the other things he said, it is true."  
  
"And how do you tell lust apart from a crush?" she inquired in return.  
  
"I.. I think it would be feelings. Love... and a crush.. are mental and physical. Lust is just a physical attraction... just mating instinct."  
  
"So, if I want to have sex with someone, I am not in love with him?"  
  
"No, its not like that!" The class representative blurted out. "Love, at least in romantic sense, involves sex. But if your attraction is just for his body, you can tell it is lust."  
  
"I think I understand. What do you feel about Suzuhara?"  
  
"I-I...I think I have a crush on him. Maybe love. I do not know." She replied, downcast.  
  
"You do not know?" the half angel asked, her gaze intense.  
  
"It is not so simple anymore." She replied, her gaze on the couch, where Toji, a bored-to-death look on his face, laid on his back, apparently listening a lecture about weaponry from his friend. Kensuke flashed them a grin as he went on rambling.  
  
"I see. Choices?"  
  
"No choices. Just... confusion."  
  
"Horaki-San?"  
  
"yes?"  
  
"Will you help me in rescuing Suzuhara from his friend? I wish to talk to him."  
  
"I'll delay Aida whil... Rei, did you just make a joke?"  
  
"I just thought that would be what one of you would say in my position. I fail to see the humor, though."  
  
* * *  
  
"At least he is safe." Ritsuko spoke, breaking the silence which had settled after she had told her best friend the near-impossibility of taking back the pilot alive.  
  
"What do you mean?" the major replied, anger flaring in her at the remark.  
  
"Do you know how Yui Ikari died?"  
  
"It was named a failed experiment."  
  
"She disappeared, when she achieved four hundred percent synchronization with unit one in her first activation test."  
  
"You mean she is in that?"  
  
"It is a good explanation for the unpredictability of unit one, but the theory is not yet proven."  
  
A long silence followed after that, until a small smile played upon Misato's lips.  
  
"At least he is safe."  
  
* * *  
  
"I don't get it, Rei." Spoke the largest stooge. "How will this talk help Shinji?"  
  
"He is in a deep coma, one which only he can bring himself out of. And he won't, unless I name the feeling I have for him."  
  
"What do you want me to say, Ayanami? What do you want to know?" he asked, exasparated.  
  
"What do you feel about Horaki-san?"  
  
"D-dunno. I am not good at this, Ayanami. Maybe worse than you."  
  
"What is your concern?" She asked.  
  
"Concern?"  
  
"You are nervous, which is a product of fear. You fear something." She stated.  
  
"I... you're confusing me even more."  
  
"I think your confusion comes from your thoughts. I have observed logic may conflict with emotions. You should seperate yourself from your thoughts, to understand what you feel, then process the result with your thoughts."  
  
"Ayanami?" he spoke, a question in his tone.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Did you not just answer your own question?" he inquired, and understanding dawned in her eyes.  
  
"Indeed, I did."  
  
"Father once told me other's problems were easier to solve than your own. Thanks, Ayanami." He said before standing up. He turned to his friends, and the smile which had begun forming on his lips froze. "Oh, crap." He said when he saw the face of his best mate as he talked with the class rep.  
  
"Excuse me." stated Rei, drawing all their attention to herself before proceeding. "I Thank you all for your help, but now I must go and... think. Leave the house whenever you wish, I doubt Captain would object." She concluded, and left before they could even say 'good luck'.  
  
* * *  
  
"Commander." She spoke, facing the man who inspired fear on all who knew him like she would face a concrete wall.  
  
A concrete wall she intended to punch through.  
  
"First child." The man replied with the sme amount of emotion, More than none, less than noticeable.  
  
"I have found a way to bring the third child back."  
  
"Elaborate."  
  
"I will extract him from unit one's core using unit zero's AT field. I will need Unit one, unit zero and open space." She replied.  
  
"You have permission. For tomorrow afternoon. I will keep non nuclear bombs on standby -should you fail." He spoke.  
  
"I understand." she said, and left.  
  
"Are you not endangering the units?" asked Fuyutsuki from his usual space.  
  
"The data will be invaluable." He simply replied, and the discussion was over.  
  
* * *  
  
The Nerv staff waited anxiously in front of the display as unit zero was dropped, along with a portable generator and its unmbilical, facing unti one. The orange giant straightened after the impact passed, and regarded unit one's passive form.  
  
"Requeting permission to begin." Rei spoke, as emotional as ever.  
  
"Bomber squad in position." Misato reported a moment later.  
  
"Permission granted." Came the commander's reply, and unit zero unfolded its AT field, unit one answering in kind after a moment.  
  
* * *  
  
*So, you made your choice?* the voice calmly remarked.  
  
*who are you?* Rei answered.  
  
*Not now. Will you sacrifice?*  
  
*Sacrifice.means you give up something to gain something else. I am not giving up anything valuable.*  
  
*Your life will never be the same.*  
  
*Are all forms of change for worse?*  
  
*well, then, begin.*  
  
* * *  
  
In the place that did not exist physically, Shinji gave a startled yelp when the 'Lilith' suddenly snarled, a dangerous glint in her eye.  
  
"No. I will not allow that!" she spoke, and disappeared.  
  
"Mom? Another angel attack?"  
  
"I don't know. Let me see." the deceased Ikari spoke, closed here eyes briefly, then opened them. "The young woman, my luckless clone, is trying to extract you."  
  
"How? I thought I could not go back!"  
  
"She is utilizing unit zero's AT field to extract you from the core. She is trying to match her AT field frequency with your impression in the core."  
  
"Lilith is trying to kill her! I. I got to go."  
  
* * *  
  
Unit one suddenly came alive and snarled, right before pouncing on unit zero and beginning to claw its way through the chest armor trying to reach its core, and when unit zero made no move to defend itself, fell on top of it, driving it to the ground.  
  
*Ikari-kun...*  
  
* * *  
  
"Unit one is trying to dismantle unit zero's chest armor! Its going for the core!"  
  
"Calculate blast results of all five mines."  
  
"Unit one would take more than eighty percent of the blast, sir."  
  
"would both units survive?"  
  
"Unit one's armor would be vaporized, along with heavy damage in the extremities and possible entry plug destruction."  
  
"Exactly what we need. Commence bombing."  
  
* * *  
  
"Mom, she's killing her!" Shinji yelled at his mother.  
  
"Ikari-kun." Came a whisper, undeniably with Rei's voice.  
  
"Why do you want to go, son? You know what happened. the other time." The woman replied sadly.  
  
"Why did you take the first activation tes? You knew what the eva would do." He retorted.  
  
"Go to them, then. I will try to soother her. And tell your father. nothing."  
  
* * *  
  
*Ikari-kun.* she managed silently as the purple giant threw apart the last two armor plates, readying to plunge its hand through the unprotected chest of the behemoth when a change made itself seen where the AT fields met. Instead of eroding each other, the edges of the fields met, joined and began flowing through each other. The descending hand stopped.  
  
* * *  
  
"Shinji!" Misato scremed with shock when the third child suddenly appeared, in his birthday suit, inside the plug, sitting in the position he'd disappeared. "Take cover, the mines!" she managed to shout through the relief,shock and fear.  
  
* * *  
  
Shinji came to his senses with Misato's shriek, jerking his gaze away from the hand he'd nearly plunged through unit zero, and looked at the rapidly falling five dots, then back at the unit zero's unprotected chest.  
  
He then threw himself over the exposed area while slamming his/their AT field to full power.  
  
The mines went off, sending searing waves of pain through his back even through the double AT field, but he was oblivious to the pain. He was too busy sending a reassuring smile at the blue-haired girl. When the conflagration passed, leaving them in a shallow crater, he got back to his knees -which proved to be a painful ordeal- beside unit zero, propped the unit to a sitting position to allow the plug to eject, and powered down unit one.  
  
* * *  
  
As soon as her plug made the landing, she leapt off and ran for his plug, which had ejected a moment after hers, but had not moved at all. She was by its side even before the support crews understod what was going on down there and began their landings. Scalding her hands, she perfectly mimicked commander's maneuver and pulled off the red-hot plug hatch and pulled out the exhausted, half-boiled, naked boy out of the plug and on to her lap.  
  
"Ayanami." he whispered.  
  
"Hai?" she replied, but he was already unconscious.  
  
* * *  
  
The familiar ceiling. Again. But an unfamiliar. no, familiar but unexpected figure by the foot of his bed. His father.  
  
"I believe there is some information you kept from me."  
  
"Yes, father."  
  
"Speak."  
  
"Mom told me to relay a message. She told you that she was not Rei."  
  
"There is still information you keep from me."  
  
"nothing you don't know already, and just something I should not know. Now, father, I need rest.  
  
---  
  
AN: Never make an oath without thinking. I cannot leave any work unfinished, and here it is.  
  
And this time, it is not for her.  
  
Let me remind you that this is a work best read with a script nearby.  
  
OOCness intended. It is somehow disguised as character development. No person can live through that much trouble and pain without changing.  
  
Be wary. Following the arrival of Asuka, the spotlight will be on the two girls. Poor Shinji will take the spot the girls previously occupied: Major support role.  
  
Grammar mistakes are possible, Capitalization mistakes are. bound to happen. I Have nobody to push to pre-reding.  
  
The idead and descriptions within the love consultation scene are mine. If you disagree, it is personal. Do not mention such disagreements within feedback.  
  
Good night.  
  
Ghost135 


End file.
